Friday, June 4, 2010

World's Largest Orange and Red Traffic Jam

-Sorry for the short hiatus from the Man Crush, I think a Matt Stairs home run ball destroyed all Man Crush Modern Technology (MCMT). But the MSMC (try to keep up!) is back and ready to rumb... I'm not allowed to finish it or Michael Buffer's people will be banging my door down.

-Kind of a busy night in beauuuutiful downtown South Philadelphia tonight. Game 4 of the Cup Finals and Doc Perfecto returns to the hill against the Padres. The sports complex will be insane tonight and if you are going to either game I suggest you leave... maybe 4 hours ago?

-Can this Flyers team be killed? Everytime you think its over and done they figure out a way to dig out of the grave. Its unreal. I'm pretty sure they've been written off 482 times during this run and they keep proving everybody wrong. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the winner of tonight's game will win the series. The Blackhawks have played without doubt all season long. If they go back to Chicago tied 2 games a piece after they had led 2-0, I think some doubt might sink in, and I'm not certain they'll be able to handle it. The Flyers have already proven that they can perform under any circumstances and any amount of pressure. But if the Flyers lose tonight, I don't think they can win 3 straight against this Chicago team. The Hawks, unfortunately, are not the Boston Bruins. But who knows, I, just like everyone else, have been wrong more times than not in these improbable playoffs. Nothing is going to shock me anymore.

-Across the parking lot, the Phillies return home after one of the worst road trips ever. I'm not crazy worried yet(having the Flyers distract me has helped) but if the offense doesn't get it going this weekend, there could be major, major problems. Thank goodness Roy Perfect is pitching tonight. I expect another perfect game tonight, obviously.

-Speaking of obviously, the biggest story of the night (j/k Flyers!) is my hero and yours Matt Stairs is back in town with the Padres! Make sure you bring your gloves if you happened to have seats for tonight's game on the moon. If you see Mr. Stairs around town this weekend, tell him about the Man Crush! Maybe word it a little differently so you don't come off super creepy. Ask him if Cheesy Gordita Crunches really are good for super mega home run hitting strength. You don't really need to ask him that, we all know that answer. Hopefully he'll get a few AB's in the series and *gasp* maybe even a spot start. Guaranteed standing ovation.

-Our good friend Megan, who you know as the young lady attempting to adopt Charlie Manuel as her Grandpop (OMWTACMAHG) happens to be a 5th grade teacher (since she won't respond to my email, I can't plug the school... hi kids in Ms. M's class!). She assigned her students to write essays and two of them decided to write about the man, the myth, the legend himself... Matt Stairs. Ms. M sent them in of course... lets enjoy!!!


By: J.L.

The person who I wrote a biography on is a guy named Matt Stairs. He played on the Philadelphia Phillies as well as some other baseball teams, too.

Matt Stairs was born on February 27, 1968 in St. John, New Brunswick. After he played in South Korea for the Canadian Olympic team in 1988, he played in the Minor League for the Harrisburg Senators.

Stairs went on to play for 6 more Minor League teams from 1989-2003. During that time, he briefly played for the Montreal Expos (1992-1993), Boston Red Sox 1995), Oakland Athletics (1996-2000), Chicago Cubs (2001), Milwaukee Brewers (2002), Pittsburg Pirates (2003), Kansas City Royals (2004-2006), Texas Rangers (2006), Detroit Tigers (2006), and Toronto Blue Jays (2007-2008). Also, from 2008-2009 he played for the Philadelphia Phillies.

On October 29, 2008 the Phillies won the World Series against the Rays, 4 games to 1 game. The next season, on April 12, 2009, Matt hit a homerun against the Colorado Rockies. This was the last homerun call by broadcaster Harry Kalas, who died unexpectedly the next day. On January 23, 2010, Matt agreed with a contract to a Minor League with the San Diego Padres.

Learning about Matt Stairs was interesting because there are a lot of cool facts about him. All of this information that I wrote about him was all new to me because I even know he existed until this excited project came along. I know all about Matt Stairs now, and my opinion of him is that he is a very interesting and exciting person.

Obviously A++ work... here's the next one:


By: S.M.

The Philles player who I researched is Matthew Wade Stairs. He was born on February 27, 1968 in St. John, New Brunswick. Through the years that he played baseball, Matt Stairs hit 260 homeruns.

Matt Stairs is married to Lisa Astle and has three daughters: Nicole, Alicia, and Chandler. Matt Stairs coached hockey for John Bapst Memorial high school.

Stairs went on to play for different baseball teams. He accomplished a record of being on the most baseball teams of any position player. Matt Stairs started with the Montreal Expos (1992 – 1993), Chunchi Dragons (1993) NPB, Boston Red Sox 1995, Oakland Athletics (1996 – 2000), Chicago Cubs (2001), Milwaukee Brewers (2002), Pittsburgh Pirates (2003), Kansas City Royals (2004-2006), Texas Rangers (2006) half time, Detroit Tigers (2006) half time, Toronto Blue Jays (2007-2008), Philadelphia Philles (2008-2009), and now the San Diego Padres (2010).

Matt Stairs played 2 years for the Philadelphia Philles in 2008 and 2009. Matt Stairs was on the Philles team that won the World Series in 2008. In 2009, he got to the World Series game for the Philles, and played out fielder. Then, the Philadelphia Philles traded him to San Diego.

In conclusion, Matt Stairs is a great baseball player, I would very much enjoy to see him play in a game.

Once again A++!

Thanks kids! Well done!

-Haiku time!

OT days of yore
Kevin Haller beats Rangers
90's Flyers win

-If this picture doesn't get you juiced up (not fist pumping juiced) for the game tonight (well maybe fist pumping juiced) there must be something wrong with you.

I didn't know that many people owned orange shirts (i know i know)

-I would like to have an incredibly enjoyable weekend, so if the Flyers could win that would help greatly to make that happen.

-An extra special Flyers Stairs-Bomb today!

Taser - 2
Fans - 0

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

12 Down, 4 To Go

And here we stand, Eastern Conference Champs. The Finals. 4 more wins and our beloved Flyers will hoist the most beautiful trophy in all of sports. Its been 35 years since the Stanley Cup belonged to Philadelphia, and now there is a chance it could belong again. All that stands in the way are the kings of the Western Conference, the Chicago Blackhawks.

There is no way that even the most imaginative of Hollywood screenwriters could write a script like this. At one point of the season, the Flyers had accumulated the 2nd fewest points in the entire NHL. Head coach John Stevens was fired, and Peter Laviolette was pulled from the VS. studio to turn this team around. A heartbreaking loss in the Winter Classic, and a late season tailspin gave the fans little hope that their team would even make the postseason. It all would come down to the last game versus the hated Rangers to secure the last spot in the dance. As I watched that game, and as overtime approached, I thought having it come down to a shootout would be the worse thing that could possibly happen. The Flyers were terrible at shootouts, and Ranges goalie Henrik Lundqvist was one of the best shootout goalies. But somehow, the Flyers pulled off the impossible, and qualified for the playoffs.

The 1st round brought the New Jersey Devils and netminding legend Marty Brodeur. Once thought of as Flyer-killers, the Devils were one of the teams the Flyers seemed to own in the regular season, and the playoffs were no different. Philly disposed of the Devils in 5 games, but not without losing key forwards Jeff Carter, Simon Gagne, and Ian Laperierre to injury.

The huge loss of depth probably should've spelled doom for the Flyers in the 2nd round. And after the first 3 games of the series with the Boston Bruins, doom was probably the only word in the minds of dejected Flyers fans. Only two other NHL teams and only three in the history of modern sports had ever come back from being down 3-0 in a best-of-7 series to win. So needless to say, the Flyer faithful had pretty much accepted their fate. But then a glimmer of hope in the form of a returning Simon Gagne as he netted the OT winner in game 4 to keep hope alive. It wasn't over yet. Then, in game 5, a complacent Bruins team returned home, hoping to go through the motions on their home ice to secure a trip to the Conference Finals. Unfortunately for them, the Flyers weren't ready for summer vacation. They absolutely smashed the Bruins, sending the series back to Philly for game 6 and the seed of doubt in the Bruins heads started to bloom. The Wachovia Center crowd was raucous, knowing their home team was not going to let the Bruins end the series on Philadelphia ice. The Flyers won 2-1, setting up the most improbable of game 7's back up in Beantown.

Its a night Philadelphia sports fans will never forget. The score was 3-0 before the Flyers could blink an eye, exactly how the series was at one point. At that point, Coach Laviolette called what will forever be known as the most famous timeout in the history of Flyers hockey. You could read his lips and get the gist of what he was telling his team, "one goal at a time". A few minutes later, and right before the first period had ended, James Van Riemsdyk threw a puck past Tuukka Rask and gave the Flyers the hope they were so desperately looking for. In the 2nd period, Scott Hartnell and Danny Briere, the two players who committed costly penalties that turned in to goals for the Bruins, each scored to tie the game. And then, with 7 minutes to go in the 3rd period, Simon Gagne, broken foot and all, buried a powerplay goal, and that was that. A comeback of historic proportions had been accomplished. Fortunately for the Flyers, they realized that they were only halfway to their ultimate goal. An Eastern Conference Finals matchup with the equally improbable Montreal Canadiens was on deck.

Destiny seemed to be the buzzword floating through the streets of the Delaware Valley by Flyer faithful. After jumping out to a 2-1 series lead against Montreal, Jeff Carter and Ian Laperierre returned to help the team win 3-0 in game 4 and take a 3-1 lead in the series. While most teams get more banged up in the playoffs, the Flyers seem to be getting healthier. And last night, the final nails were hammered in to the Canadiens Cinderella-shaped coffin. The Flyers are in the finals.

This team has already etched their names in Philadelphia folklore. Their next step is to etch their names in Lord Stanley's Cup. No matter the outcome of the finals, the 2009-2010 Philadelphia Flyers will be remembered forever in this town. And if somehow, they can win 4 more games, a story so farfetched can have the happiest of happy endings with a trip down Broad St. for 25 never-say-die warriors and 2 million of their closest friends.

Nothing else to talk about today. Lets Go Flyers

Monday, May 24, 2010

Don't Want To Go Back To Canada

What an up and down weekend in Philly. The Phils had a 3 game series with the BoSox and that annoying nation (can we kick them out?). I went to the game Friday night (which turned out to be the only win of the series for the Phils... thanks for getting sick Erin, hope you are feeling better!). Cole Hamels pitched tremendously after giving up a 1st inning solo shot to Victor Martinez. Jayson Werth hit a Stairs-esque bomb in to the upper deck in right. He's gonna be mad rich yo. The rest of the series didn't go as well. Dice-K took a no-no in to the 8th Saturday and 108 year old Tim Wakefield (if you are wondering, Jamie Moyer is 114) knuckleballed his way through the Phillies lineup to help the Sox snag 2 of 3 from the Phils. Nothing but par for the course when it comes to the Phillies and interleague play. Even Roy Hallagod showed that he is still human... sometimes. I'm pretty sure the sight of Roy getting the hook in the 5th will not be a frequent one. Up to New York for 3 with the Mets, more on that tomorrow. Get Chase Utley Corner ready!

Meanwhile, up in Canadia, the Flyers bounced back in a big way from their debacle in game 3 to completely dominate the Canadiens en route to a 3-0 win in the game and a 3-1 lead in the series. Claude Giroux and Ville Leino continue their coming out parties and Chris Pronger continues to dazzle with his efficient defensive domination and beautiful stretch passing skills. The 2nd period was as much of a complete dismantle of an NHL team as I've ever seen. Outshooting the Habs 13-1 and outscoring them 2-0, Montreal could barely enter the Flyers zone much less test Michael Leighton, who recorded his 3rd shutout of the series (ridiculous). And I haven't even mentioned the fact that Jeff Carter and Ian Laperierre made their improbable returns to the lineup. It is mind boggling that these two are back on the ice. The Flyers have set themselves up perfectly to close out the series in 5 games at the Wachovia Center tonight. The building will be jumping for sure, knowing that the Prince of Wales trophy is in the house and in reach. The Flyers should be able to feed off of the energy of the crowd to make sure that the Canadiens don't have any more comebacks in the tank.

Doug Collins is the new coach of the 76ers. Right now i'm ok with that decision, only because I'm not sure if there was anyone better, which isn't really saying much. I don't know if anyone can say with any certain how he will do at this point. He has said all of the right things so far. I predict he will be the greatest Sixers coach of all time named Doug (too bad Johnny Davis' first name isn't Doug, right Doug Moe? You could've been the best!)

Lost has ended, and it seems every person that watched the series (I've never seen it once) is still unsure as to what happened. Sounds like the title of the show was extremely appropriate. While the series finale was on last night, I watched a documentary on John Wilkes Booth's attempted getaway after killing Lincoln. I surely wasn't "Lost" when that show ended; they found him and shot him. Pretty clear cut. Definitely recommended viewing if you get the chance. The History Channel rules.

11 days away from the greatest home run hitter of our time returns to Philadelphia. Matt Stairs and the Padres are coming in for a 4 game set. Alert local businesses to prepare for falling debris. Stairs-Bombs galore!

Megan (OMWTACMAHG) update tomorrow- working on a few leads.

Old, Obscure Philadelphia Athlete Haiku time!!!:

One jersey in stands
Ilkka Sinisalo flies
Smoothest Finn around

Our first international Stairs-Bomb! Gotta look close for this one. That wall must be made with some fierce material to withstand the Stairs-Bomb power!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Meatloaf Kew What He Was Talking About.

--2 outta 3 ain't bad. The Flyers won 3-0 last night to take a 2 games to none lead over the Montreal Canadiens in the ECF. The Sixers got lucky last night in the NBA lottery and leapfrogged 4 teams to grab the #2 pick in the draft. Unfortunately, the Phillies offense decided to sleepwalk through the game last night and lost to the Pirates 2-1. Lets break it down!

--How good is Michael Leighton right now? 2 Shutouts in a row (how many CGC's is that?)... the last Philadelphia goalie to complete that feat, some guy named Parent (hey doc, great save). Leighton stood tall in net and his post to post movement has been nothing short of stellar. For once, we have the hot goalie! It was obvious last night that the Canadiens were completely frustrated that they couldn't solve Leighton. Alot of credit should go to chris Pronger and the defense as well. They did a great job of allowing Leighton to see the shot, and then getting the rebound out of harms way. The 2nd chances opportunities were extremely limited for Montreal.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the ice, Jaroslav Halak and the Habs defense looked extremely mortal compared to how they looked in the previous two series. The Flyers powerplay has been almost overwhelming in the first two games and I can't praise the play of guys like Danny Briere, Simon Gagne, and Ville Leino (all of whom scored last night. They'll need to continue their great play as the scene shifts to Bell Centre for games 3 and 4. I have a feeling the Flyers are going to see a completely different team once they get in to enemy territory.

--The 76ers won the lottery! We sort of... Getting the #2 pick in this years draft might be as good as the #1 pick. I am going to assume the Wizards will select John Wall with the top pick, so that leaves OSU star Evan Turner waiting in the Sixers lap. I think this is a no brainer pick, he brings so much versatility to the Sixers, and maybe he will be the catalyst for pushing underachiever Andre Iguodala out the door. But knowing Ed Stefanski and the Sixers, anythings possible.

--For those of you who took my advice and bet your life savings on the Phillies last night, what were you thinking? Sporting events are so difficult to predict, especially baseball games. I don't know why anyone would risk all they had on a sporting event. Sucks to be you! If you are looking for somewhere to stay now that you're house is gone, I hear this guy is looking for people to help him repaint his home:

I have found out on good authority that this guy is single. He even gets shut out in his own home, just like the Canadiens themselves! blahahahaha

--Dear ESPN, even though all you talk about is Lebron James and the NBA Playoffs, can you find it in your hearts to take back the NHL? Versus might be the worst station in the history of television (a celebration just began at CW Philly... congrats guys! you are out of the cellar!!!)

--Haiku time!

Red zone gave them woes
Roger Ruzek took the field
3 points on the board

--Day 7 of OMWTACMAHG. 1 week in! So much work to do. As a hitting guru, Charlie's probably steaming about last night's absence of offense. I don't think anybody should bother him today. We'll try again tomorrow. Somebody go to the store and get him some of these... guaranteed to cheer him up!

--A big fat Stairs-Bomb to Sidney Crosby and all of the Pittsburgh Penguins tearin' up the links this week!

Taser - 2
Fans - 0

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

So Much Potential For Awesomeness Tonight.

--Now that Jimmy Rollins is back in the lineup (Welcome back Young James!), Uncle Cholly has to decide where to put him in the lineup. I know its not much of a decision knowing Charlie Manuel. He is more than likely going back to the leadoff spot. I'd love to see Rollins go to the 6 hole and keep Shane Victorino leading off. Shane has done a really nice job since Rollins' injury and it would be really interesting to see if Rollins could thrive in more of a RBI role. But who am I kidding, Charlie's huge on loyalty (how long did he keep Brad Lidge in the closer's role last year, even though he was painfully bad?)... he's definitely not going to move Jimmy unless Jimmy is 100% ok with it. More Phillies in approximately 20 seconds, or however fast you read.

--Kind of a big Flyers game tonight. A win tonight and the Flyers will come back to the Wachovia Center for game 5 (as of right now is still if neccessary) at worst tied 2-2 in the series. The Flyers do not want to give the Habs any sense of hope heading back to Montreal for games 3 and 4. Those crazy French Canadiens are gonna be worked up enough as it is, lets not give them any more reasons to start a riot.

--If there was ever a time to bet your life savings on a sporting event, it's tonight's Phillies game against the Pirates. That Roy guy is pitching tonight at home against one of the worst teams in baseball. Aaaaaaaaannnnnnddddd to pile on that, its Roy Halladay bobblehead night. How can the Phillies possibly lose? Zach Duke starts for the Buccos, but I think the Pirates might have a better chance if they put one of those bobbleheads out on the mound.

--Babe Ruth from all accounts sounded like the coolest dude ever. I would've loved to been alive to go to the bar with him. His larger than life stories that I've heard throughout the years sound legen... wait for it... dary! Makes me wish I was alive back then to see the Bambino in real life. I read this tidbit about the Babe and it has to be shared:
May 1922 – After being ejected from a game at The Polo Grounds for throwing dirt in the eyes of the umpire, Babe Ruth chased a heckler through the stands. When the fan ran out of reach, Ruth returned to the dugout roof and challenged any fan in attendance to fight him. Ruth was suspended for seven games and fined $200 for the incident.
Sports sounded way better back then. I wonder what Ruth would've done to the South Jersey loser that threw up near the police officer and the little girl at the Phils game a few weeks back.

--When its raining outside, why do people drive like the road is covered with ice? I was stuck in traffic this morning and I swear a Zamboni passed me on the shoulder. At first glance, I thought "that is so cool, who owns a Zamboni?". Then I realized, "oh yeah, Zamboni's are built for driving on ice, no wonder he's going faster, everyone else thinks its ice". Its just rain people! 20 mph is not neccessary!

--I was in the bathroom this morning at work, and these two guys come walking in having a conversation. So I just figure that when you walk in to the bathroom the conversation stops. Boy was I wrong. To my anger and dismay, they just keep on talking. I just assumed that when a man enters a bathroom, they know that any and all conversations cease, you take care of business, and then you can continue talking outside. Are you kidding me? If there was ever a reason to tase someone, that was it. And what guys go to the bathroom together? Double tase!

--Day 6 of Operation: Megan Wants To Adopt Charlie Manuel As Her Grandpop. I think someone should call in next week to the Charlie Manuel Show on WIP and tell Charlie he has a young lady(kind of...j/k Meg!) who wants to be his adopted grandaughter. I would do it but I have work. Somebody get this done and I'll hook them up with some MSMC gear (as soon as we get MSMC gear), and maybe you'll ever score a hug and a smooch from Megan herself!

--Double Haiku! I forgot yesterday. Thanks to Man Crusher Bill for pointing it out:

Utility king
31 Kevin Sefcik
Plays only in 8th


Ironic lines next
Karl Dykhuis is a dude
But guys can't come in

--Another celebrity Stairs-Bomb! Today's victim is former NBA coach Jeff Van Gundy!

Don't believe it's him? Look at the obvious evidence, amazingly shallow hairline...well thats about it. All the evidence you need right? His too thin to be Mean Gene Okerlund so it has to be Van Gundy!

--Go Flyers and Phillies tonight! (especially for all of you putting your life savings on the Phils game!)

Taser - 2
Fans - 0

Monday, May 17, 2010

le jeu magnifique l'un. (trusting free internet English to French translation websites)

--I think it was good for all of us (I guess more so for guys like Chris Pronger and Kimmo Timonen) that the Flyers rolled last night in game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals. What a completely dominating performance. 6 different players scored, the defense stifled the Habs and Michael Leighton was in perfect position all night. What a relaxing game to watch! It also helped to watch knowing the Flyers weren't facing elimination. 1-0 in the series, lets keep that momentum going!

--I couldn't blog about game 7 of the Bruins series because I still don't believe it happened! Seriously it was one of the most amazing games I've ever watched. The only thing that made this history winning game and series better was that on the opposite end of the comeback, was the collapse of Boston. Couldn't have happened to a nicer group of people. Hopefully now Red Sox fans will shut up about 2004, even if it was at the expense of the Yankees.

--Phillies knocked the poop out of the ball in Milwaukee and swept their sorry butts. Take that fat vegetarian!(<-Prince Fielder) Milwaukee doesn't even count as a real city. The Phils come back home for 2 against the Buccos, 2 against the Cubbies, and 3 against those .500 Red Sox. --For all of you heading to Citizens Bank Park this weekend for the Red Sox series, take some time out of your week and read some literature on the Heimlich maneuver so you can help save some of those Boston fans coming down! Don't worry, I'll remind you later in the week.

--The touch football team and the weekend softball team are both still undefeated! We're so good. Winning totally rules. Know what I mean guys?:

--Not only did the Flyers put in a 5 CGC performance last night in game 1, the crowd came up so large earning 5 delicious CGC's in their 20 thousand strong effort. The highlight came when the crowd started the "Ole Ole" chant made famous by the Canadiens' fans up in Montreal. Great work us, we are more clever than any other fans. Suck on that Canucks!

--Day 5 of OMWTACMAHG(if you don't know, you can't afford it). Charlie's back in Philadelphia. I swear. If you see him, ask him about being Megan's Grandpop, and about Cheesy Gordita Crunches! He seems to like to offer them to favorite players:

How exciting must that moment have been for my hero and yours. Geoff Jenkins and Pat the Bat were damn excited, look at the looks on their faces!

--Remember for all of you spelling enthusiasts:

Taser - 2
Fans - 0

Friday, May 14, 2010

Almost forgot the Haiku!

Thanks for reminding me no one:

Sheriff guarded bench
Sit Rodney Buford Style
Eastern champ was he

Taser - 2
Fans - 0